Cooing and Crying
The Sounds of a Healthy Church
Let’s Talk About Integration
“Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
- Jesus, Matt. 19:14
My wife was a guest at another church this last year and had the kids in tow. We had both agreed that she would keep our kiddos in service. This was for various reasons, but largely because we weren’t familiar with the material the kids would be taught. When she arrived she was met with a prompt to usher the children away to some other part of the complex. She politely declined. Then she went into the sanctuary with the children where a sad realization awaited her.
There were no other children in the auditorium.
"Where are all the kids?" Only takes a few years to turn into "where are all the young adults?"
INTEGRATED CHURCH SERVICE
Where should we put our kids so the adults can listen without distraction?
Children’s church versus integrated church service. Well, let me get one thing out of the way, I don’t think we have biblical grounds to call what the children leave the service for, “church”. Not without weakening the rich impact and gravity of what the church service is. Perhaps its pedantic, but words have meaning and if we love pizza and love our wife, where are our obligations when we’re holding pizza in one hand and our wife in another suspended over a cliff?
This writeup isn’t some argument about words, the unsubscribe button would be worn out if that were the case. Rather it’s an explanation and perhaps a soft argument for integrated service. So, back to words, what do I mean when I say integrated? Integrated church services are those where the children remain in service for its whole length.
If you’re already bored, watch this.
This little article is not intended to be contentious. While I believe each of my main points outlined below, I do not intend this to be fodder for anyone to sneer at churches that have children or youth ministries. Nevertheless, these principles shape why we have children integrated. Maybe the discussion below will stir some consideration for this matter and might even change your mind.
1 | It’s Modern
With the Industrial Revolution of the 18th century came a revolution of another sort: education. Schools took form and became mandatory in an unprecedented way. As a result, the church seemed to follow suit. It became the modus operandi to send your kids away for education. That’s almost 2,000 years that the church has retained children in service only to separate them in our present day.
For some reason our culture has such fascination with getting our kids away from us as fast as possible. I have plenty of thoughts as to why, not least of which being feminism. I’m surprised boarding schools aren’t more popular, probably too expensive to operate at that scale. We must be careful that this secular preoccupation doesn’t infiltrate our faith, church, and home. Children are, after all, a blessing from God and a stewardship we will give an account for on Judgment Day.
2 | It Separates the Family
The family unit is in some ways a micro-church, at least in type. It is then, ordinarily, the father’s responsibility to lead the family as a pastor. The father and mother then train up a child in the wisdom of God. They model this, they teach this.
If we separate the family unit, we disintegrate the children by some margin from the normal order of instruction within the home. The children don’t get to see their parents worship in song and Word. To sit and pray, witness baptism and observe others partaking the Lord’s Table. If children never get to see their parents engaged in the church body, how are they supposed to understand its importance?
Part of the aim for the church is to help parents disciple their kids. To equip them and then point them to the home as a primary and immediate context for ministry. When a family sits and listens to the same sermon, sings the same songs, they have something to revisit all week and discuss. They can remind their children of the application of Scripture, even share how it affected them as the parents.
3 | It Requires Too Much
The manpower it takes to operate a well-oiled fully functioning children’s ministry is considerable to massive. From curriculum to training, to manpower, it’s no small feat to teach the children separately from adults.
In many cases I’ve experienced this means that there are some staff or volunteers who simply do not get to attend the Sunday gathering. They’re in the building, they may mingle before or after service, but they miss the ordinary means of grace. Though it may be controversial, I think this may get dangerously close to violating Heb. 10:25, “not neglecting to meet together”.
If I’m right, it means that we are asking our people to neglect and miss the nourishment offered at Sunday worship so that we can have a program that disciples our kids in a manner that would be foreign to Scripture.
This facilitates the necessary components for invisible spiritual burnout, which seems to be common among church staff and key volunteers. This should be guarded against for the sake of their souls.
4 | It Disassociates
For the typical church, an infant is removed from the Sunday gathering from infancy through to middle or even high school. This means they never learn how to sit, listen, and worship with their family in the assembly. This can be exasperated by youth and college ministries that can potentially threaten or outright replace the Sunday worship. We can create a framework like this and then wonder why young people are leaving the church once they age out.
One such practice I’ve seen personally that encourages me is a college ministry that is very intentional for this very reason. They work hard at making it clear that their mid-week service is not a church service. It is not a replacement for the Sunday gathering. They don’t do things that the church does like the Lord’s Table or baptism. They encourage integration into the gathered church.
For those who are discipled by other means end up struggling to integrate when they’re out of college. They’re leaving the church, in part at least, because they haven’t been taught how to be a part of the church in practice or doctrine.
5 | It’s Uncomfortable
Surely, Chris, that’s not a benefit.
Hear me out.
Having kids in church is hard. It’s hard for parents and is an adjustment for the congregation. With four under 10 years old I understand.
I’m not an advocate for difficulty for difficulty’s sake, however, this is a significant blow to a more consumeristic attitude towards the church. We, at least on the facilitation side, can sometimes be tempted to think how we can create a welcoming and convenient environment for our congregation and guests. Temptations lurk around every corner! Tickle their ears, tug at their heart strings, remove distractions, etc. This can then feed into a broad consumerism that afflicts our society and our church-goers.
I can’t tell you how many times, and I’m not being hyperbolic, that I have asked someone what they like about their church only to hear, “They have a great kid’s ministry”. Not the sound doctrine and preaching of the Word of God or the unity in love of the body of Christ there. With a sincere heart to see their kids discipled, and having been failed by previous generations in training parents for this task themselves, they outsource it. I get it. Discipling or catechizing them from scratch is hard. I find myself learning as much as they are sometimes!
This trend sets the framework that these young image bearers employ as young adults. What do college students look for in a church? Good music, peer friendships, excitement! But, it’s not entirely their fault. Their whole understanding of church often revolved around those things. Young adults are having to be taught what to look for in a church because they weren’t taught it as children and teenagers. Instead they were offered a curated program that appealed to their interests and desires.
I was once advised that dying my hair and having piles of pizza and gallons of soda was an effective way of growing a youth ministry. I attended a para-church event when I was in high school where we ate food, drank soda, played four square, and bowed our heads for a brief prayer at the end. My heart breaks now thinking about how young people get duped, only to become dejected with what the church “really” is and never return.
We can do better. We have to do better, and I believe one piece of the puzzle is keeping our children and young people part of the church gathering.
While it took some training, and there’s more training to be done, I get to stand with my daughters and sing worship to God. I get to preach to them and hear them bring it up in other contexts. It. Pays. Off.
6 | It Breaks Up the Spiritual Family
Here I believe Titus 2 leads the way in how intergenerational the body of Christ is supposed to be. Not as a tag added to a church website to check a box. “Circle round everyone, feast your eyes! We have young people! We have old people! We have everything in between!”
When we remove the children from the room there is a space where the roles of father and mother take a back seat and thus so do grandfather and grandmother.
The church is the beatific family. Where we can be united by something even more robust than our blood relations, the very Spirit of God! Yet, our roles get lost when the family is no longer in view.
When we already struggle with reintegrating the generations, why exacerbate the problem by taking children out of the equation. Parents may need a break, but what they really need is help. Help from the previous generation of faithful saints to come alongside them in their present station in life.
CONCLUSION
I am not here to bind your conscience. I believe that there is warrant for keeping our kids in service, but there is not clear biblical mandate that would bar “Children’s Church” from existence. What I can say, without reservation is that there is a cost to children’s church models. There is a price we pay for a quiet sanctuary. Furthermore, if the kids, youth, or college programs free you from your duties to disciple your children let me be the first to lovingly call you to repentance. We do not outsource the duties of the family nor the duties of the church assembled. We began to outsource our children’s education and now outsource their spiritual development as well. This is encapsulated in a quote:
“We cannot continue to send our children to Caesar for their education and be surprised when they come home as Romans.”
Voddie Baucham
I pray your churches are better than Rome, but the principle stands.
As a special note to men: lead your home. You are not simply reducible to your financial provision. You are also responsible for your family’s spiritual provision. We simply can’t hope that sending them to a program is going to be sufficient in the training up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
So what can you expect?
You can expect to hear noises. Crying, cooing, laughing, chatter, and babbling. This, we believe, is a blessed sign of church health. This requires a certain level of bearing with one another’s burdens from those who don’t have noisy children. It may even prompt you to offer to help those young parents doing their best to train their children up and not lose all their hair doing it. Being a frazzled parent, stressed about your kids’ noisiness or toddling around during service, can be melted away by a kind word. I know, I’m speaking from experience.
When we visited Elm St. Baptist in Sweet Home a few weeks ago I was that parent. My kids were in a pew (oh how I love pews) and they were struggling a bit. Remember, our kids have only been at this for eight weeks. They’re learning too. A young mom in front of us, whose husband was no doubt feeling the thump of hymnals been taken out and dropped back into their slots, got up and left service. When she returned she had several books and handed them to my wife. Shortly thereafter she turned around and handed us a toy that mesmerized the kids. It was such a sweet gesture that helped ease my growing anxiety and show kindness towards us.
You can expect that those ahead of you are looking out for you and your children. A kind word, a toy or book, maybe even a cookie could be extended to help you feel at ease. You’re not in this alone. They had kids once too. We’ve gone to the internet for support when God has provided it in the local church.
This isn’t a license to let your kids run wild. It’s a commitment that we understand that kids can be… well, kids. We want to be patient, understanding, and helpful towards young families who are likely doing this for the first time, as are their small children.
SUNDAY SERMON
Sunday we examined Nicodemus and asked the question, “What is a born-again Christian?”
Pray wisdom on how to engage the city next. Since the Block Party I have found a few opportunities, the UofO Flock Party and the Springfield Farmer’s Market, for evangelism.
Pray for Linda who will be having back surgery in October.
Pray for our second and last Simeon Trust class this Saturday. I’ll be facilitating two units.
